dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
