Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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