i permit you to call me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
areolas are like halos for boobs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
