I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
