i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
