Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
