Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
