you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
