You really coming over, don't trick.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
