you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Fuck appropriateness.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
