i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
