Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
