Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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