it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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