Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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