Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
