Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
