I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
