This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
