the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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