5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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