We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
