what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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