the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
