I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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