Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
