Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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