I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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