And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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