Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
