I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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