I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
its liver damage thursday
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
