Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My feet surprised me
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