Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize