I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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