i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
