A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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