I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
