He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
