If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's always time for handjobs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
