Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
