I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
