Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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