HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize