Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
