once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
