How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
