i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
