two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
