I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i was born a porn star she said
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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