i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize