Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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