If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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