I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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