You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
