I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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