i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
