Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
