You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
