So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
