he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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