I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
