i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
