So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we're so committed to being not committed
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