I can tuck mytits in my pants
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
