I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
