The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
