I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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