she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize