Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
