I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
