the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize