Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
