well I can't set my house on fire every night
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize